Painkiller(?)

I've already been sick for so long
It hurts me
to the point that leaving this world
is good enough

You keep me going on
You make me forget
I've been hurt the whole time
by my own self

Yes
you are my painkiller
the most effective one

You successfully cover up my pain
at the time I look completely fine
But
whenever I don't get
an enough dosage of you
the pain strike back
It's as painful as when
I haven't found you yet.

Thus
I need to find the cure
I need to find my remedy
so that I'm actually happy

I have to find it
when I still have you, my painkiller
so that I can focus most of my time
to looking for the cure

It was really frustrating back then
when I was in pain all the time
and yet I still have to keep going on
and find the cure
by myself.
I don't want
to undergone such situation
over again.

I'm sorry for being selfish,
You don't need to change how you act
I love the way we are
The presence of you is euphoric
Meanwhile the assault from the pain reminding me
that I haven't found my remedy yet

Good combination isn't it?
Thanks for being there
all the time